On a bigger note, I have a job that I love. It doesn't pay that much but I have my satisfaction. I work with young people. Its what I have always wanted to do. To have an impact on their lives. The ability to influence and inspire them to make the right choices, to be bold and brave, to love themselves and to accept their short comings and using their strengths and to be successful. I worked really hard..more than some people. I pushed myself ..and keep pushing and pushing..I don't know how long I can keep doing this but what I do know is that I will jump in and go all the way, giving all that I have. I'll run, I'll walk and I'll crawl if I have to..this life will not defeat me!
Sometimes I think that I also do so much, work and fun alike. I sacrificed rest and sleep. Yeahh so it can be pretty tiring.. but will I do it differently, I don't think so..this is me..all good and bad. This is how I take on life and I am grateful to have so many great people sharing this journey with me..
So why I am sad..its probably because:
- I have finally accepted that there is possibility that I will never have what other people have, a great marriage, my own children, that someone special to share my life with.. so I do what I do to live another kind of life and be fine, be happy and be all right
- When my marriage ended..its was like nothing..I did not cry..I never felt any kind of loss..suddenly today yes..I think I am ready to confront the depressive side of surviving divorce..a marriage is huge thing for a woman..as a wife..its a mark, a milestone, its a role..that defines who you are as a woman. When its gone, it leaves a huge hole in your heart. I will take time to fill that hole again..maybe it will not be filled..its ok..
- When I was going through the painful and sad part of life, I had learned to suppress the sadness so deep, I was not able to cry for a very long time even when I wanted to ..so last nite maybe I had too much fun and that strong emotion was able to break that wall of sadness and so it all came out..
Sometimes sadness ig good. It makes me accept and realise that I am human who feels all kinds of feelings with those feelings, I cry, I laugh, I got angry, ..its life..and to quote from someone (who is quoting from someone else I think):
It is better to have love and lost than never to have love at all.
That's for now...I am feeling much much better..I am ready to to go on my life's journey..with that closure..I look forward to greater things to come..Even if they don't come..I know that I will be all right. Feeling the Weekend Blues but still in the grooves...last but not least..